One of the many golden 'Reiner Philosophies' which will one day be handed down the Van Gordon generational chain is:
When walking into a room full of loved and unknown, welcome each person as though they have come for your party..... treasure them as though each are a gift. Allow your inner glow to so surpass those around you that they too become radiant. I have tested this theory for years and it has become notorious for its infectious victory.
I challenge you to let your genuine inner beauty escape, bless those with all the love and acceptance that is in your being. I often wonder why we contain what the Lord has created within us to bless.
As my advice on interviewing was to my dear Sarah..... "Wear your prettiest underwear, roll your shoulders back, chest out, head high, breath confidence, and march on in!"
March on into your party, march on into LIFE!
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Monday, March 14, 2005
Cheap entertainment...... anyone?
Entertainment comes in all different shapes and sizes! I am proud to place myself close to the top of prime-classic-cheap entertainment! Yes, CHEAP ENTERTAINMENT!!!!! I find much humor in being a girl and thus find mutual laughter/understanding in watching other girls foster in their own female kingdoms. I am willing to share my worthy-firmly anchored crown with my lovely neighbors; Thelma and Louise.
The long day and late night was creaking with anticipation for a plushy pillow to rest her eyes. Another Bachelorette Girl's Night was over and a mere hop, skip, and jump from my neighbor's house to my tiny palace was in order. Louise came to wish me goodnight as I slipped on my shoes. Before I could twist my way in, a large black creepy critter darted from under my shoe and into the Land of the Unknown.
With that, all expectations of a routine goodnight flew out the window as my scream soon accompanied by Louise' wail echoed through the house. After a few jumps, squirms, and squeals, silence filled the room. All three of us, eyes wide, chests heaving, and all peering around from our hiding places knew what was to come. A battle between bug and female!
Battle Plan #1: Build your army both emotionally and physically. Pleading Thelma into the room upped the numbers 3-1. A few encouraging cheers to motivate the troops.
Battle Plan #2: Remove all barrier between bed and bug. Louise began pulling miscellaneous objects from the wilderness exposing a years worth of cramped space, filled boxes, and a large opened bag of Hershey's Kisses.
Battle Plan #3: Identify the culprit: Bag of Hershey Kisses. Louise now knows the golden rule from camp; NO FOOD IN THE CABIN!!!!
As Louise tore through the treasured, momentarily hated items, Thelma and I aided on the other side..... carefully removing potential hiding places for the black legged bandit.
Suspense heightened as one unfaithful, dishonorable, traitor of an empty Bible bag was left all on its own under the bed. As Louise and I jabbed at the soiled bag with a serious plank of wood nothing happened..... we knew we were making eye contact with the thief of peace, but we could not find him.
As the situation got more entertaining due to the disorderly crime scene and extreme safety measures, we got more bold. The sinful bag began creeping towards us out from the darkness and into the light. With every ounce of holiness, we began beating the bag. The large demonic specimen came out from hiding waving his flag of surrender and with several holy blows was pronounced dead approximately around 11:25pm.
To proceed with caution, we went back to basics of the Van Gordon Law. Cover all creatures, dead or alive with cups and wait for the man of the house to come home and discard all unwanted bodies. Now that the roach was killed and empty-old-Bible bag thrown outside as punishment for housing an enemy we were once again restored to the life of peace and sanctity.
You couldn't pay for entertainment like this! One more bug down makes life a little more safe, wouldn't you agree?
The long day and late night was creaking with anticipation for a plushy pillow to rest her eyes. Another Bachelorette Girl's Night was over and a mere hop, skip, and jump from my neighbor's house to my tiny palace was in order. Louise came to wish me goodnight as I slipped on my shoes. Before I could twist my way in, a large black creepy critter darted from under my shoe and into the Land of the Unknown.
With that, all expectations of a routine goodnight flew out the window as my scream soon accompanied by Louise' wail echoed through the house. After a few jumps, squirms, and squeals, silence filled the room. All three of us, eyes wide, chests heaving, and all peering around from our hiding places knew what was to come. A battle between bug and female!
Battle Plan #1: Build your army both emotionally and physically. Pleading Thelma into the room upped the numbers 3-1. A few encouraging cheers to motivate the troops.
Battle Plan #2: Remove all barrier between bed and bug. Louise began pulling miscellaneous objects from the wilderness exposing a years worth of cramped space, filled boxes, and a large opened bag of Hershey's Kisses.
Battle Plan #3: Identify the culprit: Bag of Hershey Kisses. Louise now knows the golden rule from camp; NO FOOD IN THE CABIN!!!!
As Louise tore through the treasured, momentarily hated items, Thelma and I aided on the other side..... carefully removing potential hiding places for the black legged bandit.
Suspense heightened as one unfaithful, dishonorable, traitor of an empty Bible bag was left all on its own under the bed. As Louise and I jabbed at the soiled bag with a serious plank of wood nothing happened..... we knew we were making eye contact with the thief of peace, but we could not find him.
As the situation got more entertaining due to the disorderly crime scene and extreme safety measures, we got more bold. The sinful bag began creeping towards us out from the darkness and into the light. With every ounce of holiness, we began beating the bag. The large demonic specimen came out from hiding waving his flag of surrender and with several holy blows was pronounced dead approximately around 11:25pm.
To proceed with caution, we went back to basics of the Van Gordon Law. Cover all creatures, dead or alive with cups and wait for the man of the house to come home and discard all unwanted bodies. Now that the roach was killed and empty-old-Bible bag thrown outside as punishment for housing an enemy we were once again restored to the life of peace and sanctity.
You couldn't pay for entertainment like this! One more bug down makes life a little more safe, wouldn't you agree?
Friday, March 04, 2005
Seamstress to Sewer.........
Yielding itself towards the gloomier of days, I ventured through my unfortunate neighborhood of abandoned shopping carts, tailess hungry cats, and multiplied by the dozen families. How I have survived this 'ghetto-inhabited hood' is beyond me: perhaps by the prayers of my forefathers and the pleading of my dear mother.
Regardless, for some strange reason that day I decided to take it all in. In the process of saturating myself with the rugged appearance, a HELP WANTED sign stood out from all the other 'SINGLES?', 'Kissmygrass', and Bailbonds notices. It read "Cheap Sewer Work". I nearly jumped out of my skin! I am in the process of hiring an 'experienced sewer' and have had a bit of a challenge finding one: the Lord has heard my cries for help!
With not an ounce of hesitation I grabbed my cell phone and dialed my fortunate-future-fantastic-employee. As my adrenalin kicked in, I anxiously waited for a sweet old woman's voice to accept my unimagineable offer of work. Before the phone even rang 3 times, my companies future was completely drawn out.
The mental construction of my future office site was suddenly demolished by a deep, dirty, southern, smokey man's voice.... "Haelo?" Trying not to sound disturbed or stereotypically surprised, "Ummm, I am responding to a sign posted regarding sewers.".... "What you said?".... "I'm wondering if you are looking for work, or wanting to hire an experienced seamstress?".... a few empty seconds.... "Honey, I don't know what you're talking 'bout, I clean out sewage."
I honestly think he was too clouded by his constant bowel-plunging that he couldn't enjoy this Friends episode I created. Sewer and sewer, who would know the difference! I seem to invite these situations quite regularly and on a rare moment am I willing to share. Learn from me, DON'T CALL POSTED NUMBERS YOU FIND ON THE SIDE OF ROADS.
As for this classic moment, "No, though I am emptying my life of dirty shit, sewage doesn't seem to be my problem right now! Thanks."
Regardless, for some strange reason that day I decided to take it all in. In the process of saturating myself with the rugged appearance, a HELP WANTED sign stood out from all the other 'SINGLES?', 'Kissmygrass', and Bailbonds notices. It read "Cheap Sewer Work". I nearly jumped out of my skin! I am in the process of hiring an 'experienced sewer' and have had a bit of a challenge finding one: the Lord has heard my cries for help!
With not an ounce of hesitation I grabbed my cell phone and dialed my fortunate-future-fantastic-employee. As my adrenalin kicked in, I anxiously waited for a sweet old woman's voice to accept my unimagineable offer of work. Before the phone even rang 3 times, my companies future was completely drawn out.
The mental construction of my future office site was suddenly demolished by a deep, dirty, southern, smokey man's voice.... "Haelo?" Trying not to sound disturbed or stereotypically surprised, "Ummm, I am responding to a sign posted regarding sewers.".... "What you said?".... "I'm wondering if you are looking for work, or wanting to hire an experienced seamstress?".... a few empty seconds.... "Honey, I don't know what you're talking 'bout, I clean out sewage."
I honestly think he was too clouded by his constant bowel-plunging that he couldn't enjoy this Friends episode I created. Sewer and sewer, who would know the difference! I seem to invite these situations quite regularly and on a rare moment am I willing to share. Learn from me, DON'T CALL POSTED NUMBERS YOU FIND ON THE SIDE OF ROADS.
As for this classic moment, "No, though I am emptying my life of dirty shit, sewage doesn't seem to be my problem right now! Thanks."
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